A writer evaluating their own and others’ work should be effective part of the revision process. Writers analyze for development for ideas, claims evidence and organization. Along with pointing out areas of improvement and need for revision a writer should address the solid elements of the draft. A writer should try to critique from the readers point of view going. A writer should also go beyond identify problems in a draft but also addressing ways to fix the issue.

This artifact is a peer review comment I made on another persons draft. In this comment I tried to point out what I like and thought should stay in the paper along with what needed to be revised. I also tried giving advice on what to do in the revision of the draft.

“This is a good start to an introduction. The beginning of the paragraph I think introduces the concept of Discourse to the reader without loss of motivation for them. The second half might make the reader lose interest, when you talk about Gee. Try introducing the basketball Discourse first using non technical language to hook your reader in before talking about Gee. This will keep your reader motivated to continue reading.”

In this comment I tried to meet all the requirements of a good peer reviewer by looking at global errors to fix, critiquing from the readers perspective, and giving a way to address the issue at hand for the writer. One thing I though I could improve on is giving more ideas to fix the problem.

This is another peer review comment I made to on a persons draft where i thought they could develop their ideas using support from sources to straighten the ideas.

“This is where you might want to start incorporating some of what Gee, Delpit, or Brandt has to say to explain to the reader how the sleepover and other events beyond the court are important to building and becoming part of the Discourse.”

In the comment I tried to help the writer figure out organizational and devilment of ideas issues by explain a good part of the draft to enter in some source. I think it would have been more helpful to the writer though would be referring to specific passages and giving page numbers to refer to.