In the Revision of my essay there were a couple of global problems I really focused on so far. One of them was fixing my intro. In the comments on my draft I was told that I met all the check points of what should be in my intro but it was to compacted. I decided then I should break up my intro into two paragraphs so that way I would not seem so compacted and full of information. I decided to break it up with the first paragraph introducing literacy narratives Alexander and the Rising Carin archive. The second paragraph I talked about my initial questions and findings in the archive. Breaking up the intro gave me more room to better introduce the questions I was trying to answer and how I was going about answering. In my first draft I had some comments that I never explained any of my findings compared with alexander even though I mentioned her in my intro. I have since added a paragraph explaining my findings compared with alexanders. I also am working on a paragraph involving Brandt and Delpit talking about sponsorship and how teachers approach different primary discourses from students.
Writing in english 123 has made the way I approach connecting other works with mine. The I am learning to use others works to help the reader better understand my ideas has really change in the course. Learning when it is approbate to use another source and how to introduce and present it in my writings is an important skill to have in academic writing. I have already begun to use this skin outside of this course in other courses so working on this skill that I had little to no experience before college will help devolve my academic writing.